Hello! Welcome to Liv’s Corner!  My name is Olivia, I am nineteen years old, and I am a sister to an amazing brother, Evan, who is seventeen years old. He is autistic, and he has ADHD, cerebral palsy, and a vocal tic disorder. My article with Jessica Press from Scholastic’s Action Magazine “My Brother, My Hero,” entails my wishes for people to engage with disabled people more and to become more empathetic and understanding of their struggles, and how important my brother is to me: it highlights my main message and purpose that I hope to convey more in this blog! 

On this platform I will also be talking about my experiences being an older sister to my disabled brother.  This platform is made for anyone and everyone whether you are a sibling, parent, friend to a disabled person, you are disabled, or you have no relation to a disabled person, and welcomes open conversation, open-mindedness, and respect. I want to highlight that these experiences entail both the peaks and valleys of having a disabled brother growing up in the tangles of family dynamics, limited and closed-minded people, and the unknown. Evan will soon also be talking about his own perspective as a disabled teen and the struggles that he faces (misrepresentation of disabled people in society, lack of education about disabilities, and thus the alienation he often feels).

I have made many mistakes when it comes to handling the complex emotions and situations that arise with having a brother with disabilities that many people do not always understand, including myself at times. However, I am learning everyday about how to be a better sister, friend, and overall person to my brother by listening to his struggles and his feelings and becoming closer and closer to understanding his disabilities, although I will never experience his same life and same hardships.

 My brother and I are very close and I have never thought of him as less capable than others. I never agreed with calling him “differently abled” as I always recognized that he was disabled, that he did have struggles with fitting in a society that was not always accommodating to his needs, however I also recognized when and where to push him to achieve certain things in life such as trying new foods and textures, brushing his hair, folding the laundry, cooking via the stove, microwave and toaster, stretching, navigating new social settings etc.

Something I admire most about Evan is that he has always been motivated to do things that others thought he could not. Although I push him to achieve certain things, he has always had the initiative and the drive to actually do certain tasks. I think my mom and my dad get scared of him being independent at times, as, although they see him as a fighter, strong-willed and determined to survive his grade four and three intraventricular cerebral hemorrhages he had at birth, they also are nervous to push him too far, seeing him in a fragile state in the NICU where he was given his last rites three times. They are also fearful of Evan facing failure too often and what it may do to his self-confidence and his willingness to continue to thrive and self-regulate.

So, as Evan’s sister, I have had the ability and the platform to push him and learn what is too far and what is just right. Ever since I was little, I would attend Evan’s therapy sessions (physical therapy, occupational therapy, hipaa therapy, speech therapy, neuro prompt therapy, etc.) to understand his conditions more and learn methods of how to help him overcome some of his struggles. Because of Evan’s sensory integration disorder, he struggled with even brushing his hair, to the point where he would cry if someone brushed it or even touched it. But he always allowed me because I would start with a comb and brush very lightly, so that he could have neat hair for school, and I listened to him when his threshold had been met or when he agreed that it was okay to keep pushing himself. Eventually he worked his way up to a brush, and it was such an accomplishment. I am always proud of my brother because he has to work through pain and discomfort everyday, even with the “simplest” of tasks such as cutting his food with a fork and knife, so that he can achieve the things he strives to do.

 I watch my brother grow up and I am in awe of his progress. I look up to him as the ultimate role model. I wish others would respect Evan with the same reverence some cultures reserve for elders, and that others would treat him with the same kindness, compassion and acceptance he has for everyone he meets. I sometimes look at my brother and wonder how he can muster the strength to face unkind people everyday whilst maintaining the patience needed to work tirelessly just to maintain his progress. He has the wisdom of someone who has lived many lives before.

Although he can get on my nerves big time as my annoying little brother when we fight over very childish things, I also look at him and remember a lifetime of memories when he felt alienated, when he struggled, when he failed. I remember pictures of him as a newborn, his head ballooning to twice the size of his bluish-purple little hands and feet from the brain bleed, when he looked death in the eye, and I get angry when I hear people making jokes about people with disabilities including cognitive delays, physical disabilities, mental disabilities. Such hurtful “jokes” are so ignorant of the history and lifetime of events a disabled person experienced and the impact these “jokes” have on disabled people’s future. It is surprising how common and flippantly these “jokes” are made in school, on social media, even to my brother’s face. 

There is a saying “you give a man a fish, you feed him for a day. If you teach a man to fish, you feed him for a lifetime. ” I want to keep my brother motivated to keep succeeding  when the world is not so kind and accepting of his individual path and alienates him to the margins of society. I want to teach my brother to fish. I want to encourage my brother to fish. But, in order to do this, I also must educate others about disabilities and emphasize the importance of empathy, respect and acceptance. 

Thank you for reading this article and for having a stay in Liv’s Corner! Just by reading this article you are making a difference for the disabled community through an effort to listen to a glimpse of Evan’s life as a disabled teen and my perspective as his sister. Questions and comments are always welcomed and appreciated and can be emailed to ordinarymomofspecialkids@gmail.com!

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