Learning to Let Go, Re-evaluate and Finally… Relax….
“There is more to life than increasing its speed“- Mohandas Gandhi
Re-prioritizing how we spend our free time:
I play many roles in my life and perhaps the most important one is that of being a full time mom to two amazing teens; Olivia who is 16 years old and Evan who is 14 years old. To add to the challenge, Evan is on the Autism spectrum, has ADHD, diplegic cerebral palsy and a sensory integration disorder. Additionally, I am a full time teacher. Perhaps just by virtue of my trade, I attempt to hyper-organize every aspect of my life in every possible way. On an on-going basis, my kitchen desk area is constantly adorned with Post-It notes reminding me of every imaginable therapy and specialist appointment, ‘to-do’ item, grocery list, and various notification of upcoming events. I even leave notes for myself on the dashboard of my car and on my nightstand next to my bed! With the advent of Google calendar reminders on my phone, I can now micromanage my schedule even further. Sounds highly effective, right? No, actually it’s a recipe for disaster and a sure fire way to drive myself (and all those around me) completely bonkers! Now that summer is in full swing and after a grueling 3 month hiatus from the outside world, I’ve had a taste of the proverbial good life. My days are no longer spent rushing from one appointment to the next, sitting in traffic and eating meals from the front seat of my car! I want to continue this healthy momentum and am desperately trying to slow down my frenetic pace so that I can continue to re-evaluate my priorities, and focus on what’s really important-spending time with my family.
Once upon a crazy time:
Since Evan was very young, I have devoted every summer to loading up on Evan’s therapy, doctor and specialist appointments that we may not be able to access consistently during the school year. Part of the plan has always been to work on areas of Evan’s high and low tone that either need further strengthening or stretching, refine his speech, fine motor skills, social skills, you name it, and I was going to work on it! On average, Evan would have two-three therapy appointments per day, in addition to art camp, specialist appointments, social skills classes and visits with a ‘talk-doctor’ to help him express his feelings. My summer days would begin at around 7:30am ( to travel the long distances) for 8am appointments and continue long into the afternoon. I would pack lunches and spend the day driving from one place to the next, trying to fit all that I could possibly schedule into one day. At the end of each week, we were all exhausted, frustrated and longing for some fun. Due to COVID, I’ve had the opportunity to reevaluate our priorities and forego our previous and quite rigid summer regiment , weeding out all of the unnecessary ‘busy-ness’ and scaling back to address Evan’s most crucial primary needs. To be honest, I couldn’t be happier, nor could Evan!
New plan: With each new day this summer, my plan is to not have a definitive plan, to allow myself to let go of the strict and inflexible schedule and try to relax a bit so that we can have some fun. In effort to move forward with this new lifestyle, I agreed to an impromptu day at the beach with members of my immediate family. Putting aside my concern and worry about facing holiday weekend traffic, we set out for a day at the beach. In a very atypical approach to the day, I didn’t over pack, obsess about the meals, and over schedule the activities, I just sat back and enjoyed the day-which for me was a huge accomplishment!
Exploring new interests:
Evan has always taken in interest in gardening, especially the watering aspect of caring for plants! He loves spraying all things (people included) with water. My sister and her partner Nisey purchased a planter and helped Evan plant various herbs. Evan will continue to watch them grow and care for them each time he visits. Hopefully, Evan will expand his diet and eat a few more greens!
In prior years, I would make sure that Evan had enough input so that when we returned to the house for meals he wouldn’t be so hyperactive or sensory-seeking. Since the water was so warm and calm yesterday, Evan was able to swim for quite some time. When we finally dragged him out of the water, he was happy to just chill out with a good book and relax.
Taking it easy:
Sometimes, Evan gets very upset over rules of a game and can hyperfocus when they are not followed to the absolute letter. This has caused many a tear for him and while we continue to work toward peaceful conflict resolutions strategies, it remains an on-going challenge for him. I was so pleasantly surprised when I walked inside to find a very calm game of Uno taking place. It was perhaps the very first peaceful game that I’ve yet to witness with absolutely zero debates!
Trying new foods:
Fresh tomatoes from my sister’s neighbor were transformed into an impromptu appetizer. Evan actually attempted to eat one, but ended up just licking off the balsamic vinegar. This was a huge win for us though as it looked and smelled very different from his typical diet. If only Evan would eat more veggies- oh well, Rome wasn’t built in one day!
The beach house:
My great grandparents had the incredible foresight to invest in a little beach property back in the 1920’s. At the time it was just a tiny bungalow, sitting literally in a pile of sand. While the house has been renovated over the decades, it remains very tiny. It’s funny how I never noticed it as a kid visiting there all summer. However, no matter its size, the house is chock full of a lifetime of my childhood memories. I’m so happy that another generation can enjoy so many of the traditions that I’ve enjoyed as a child. Since its a cooperative and very small beach community, children are often able to walk to and from the beach, the bay, and a few of the smaller stores (including a candy store!) unaccompanied by an adult. I remember how grown up I felt when I was finally able to walk to the bay to watch the sun set with my older sisters. After a day of walking and swimming, Evan has always been too tired to make the walk and as a result, I’ve always stayed behind with him. However, I was very surprised that after eating his dinner, taking his shower and laying down for awhile, Evan pushed himself to make the trip to the bay. He was bound and determined to watch the sunset, limping and leaning on my sister Kelly for support the entire way, but he made it!
Staying late:
We stayed far later than I planned and/or expected-which again is a good thing. The kids all fell asleep on the car ride home, very unusual for three teens! However the salt, sun and festivities from the unplanned and incredibly enjoyable day had tuckered them all out. We ended up leaving half of our things behind, again – so atypical of me. However, the good news is that next time we can pack even lighter since so many of our things will already be there!
Realizations:
Learning to re-prioritize how we spend our free time and letting go of my rigid thinking and over planning has helped us relax as a family. I’ve noticed the immediate effects with Evan, he has had fewer tics, arm flapping/clapping and his moods have been more temperate. Thanks to this change in mindset, I too feel less anxious and stressed and feel more present and available for my family. Adopting a more spontaneous approach to our daily life will hopefully reduce some of our stress and enable us to have more greatly needed beach days in the very near future!
Here’s to not over planning and working to enjoy a more relaxing way of life and more impromptu beach days!
