How to Get Your Ducks in a Row… Ten Quick and Easy Ways to Make the Most of Your Time, Space and Money….

As a busy full-time working mom of two, I have always had to make the most of every minute, before, during and after the school day. The older I get, the faster the days seems to fly by in a flash, with still so much yet to do…Once the work and school day is over, it’s on to home and all of the activities associated with after school, not to mention the notion of dinner, showers and preparation for the next day. Somehow we also have to fit in laundry, meal preparation, cleaning, paying bills, answering emails, etc. The list goes on and on… 

While our morning routine has evolved over the years a serious lack of time has always remained the same no matter how old my children are!  When I look back over the past decade plus, I am not sure how we survived the two different drop-offs to our child-care providers, the endless therapy and doctor appointments and the daily commitment to both our work and home lives. It’s all been a bit of a blur. However, what I have come to realize is that the sense of routine and order has helped tremendously. While it can be somewhat monotonous and regimented, it has been the only way that we could have survived the multiple demands of having two children, one of whom has special needs.

Having a child born dramatically prematurely catapulted us into a neither world of specialists; cardiologists, endocrinologists, pulmonologists, neurologists, physiatrists, orthotists, opthamologists, occupational therapists, speech pathologists, physical therapists, you name it, and we had an ‘ist’ or an ‘ologist’ for it! In addition to the lack of time, we had a lack of resources, mainly money to pay for all of unanticipated expenses. While our insurance would pay for what they deemed ‘reasonable and customary,’ we soon learned that it wasn’t very much. There were co-pays, gas, tolls, parking fees, expenses for eating on the run, for take-out meals as we were often too exhausted to shop for meals, let alone prepare them once we finally arrived back home. It wasn’t long before we found ourselves exhausted, depleted of energy, time, resources and money.  We were on a treadmill, round and round we went without the ability to find solutions to the lack of organization that we so desperately needed. Hence, the wheels began to fall off in big and not so pretty ways. Our crazy schedule didn’t leave time for maintenance of our house-both inside and out.

As time went by, the piles of ‘stuff’ continued to accumulate, eventually we felt as though we were drowning in both literally and figuratively. Feeling overwhelmed, overburdened and as though we just couldn’t move forward we realized that we needed to reach out for help. So we called in every and any favor that we could. In stepped the cavalry, my sister Kelly, who elevates organization to an Olympic level. She  even alphabetized her toiletries. Crazy you might think, but actually,many of her strategies have helped us get back a sense of calm, focus and order into our lives. 

Here are a few tips that I’ve learned from my sister Kelly to help get my ducks in a row: 

1. Learn to let go: We live in a small Cape Cod house, with very limited storage space in both the attic and the basement. Seventeen years ago, when we first moved into the house, we had central air installed, as a result the venting system took up almost an entire foot in our few and already narrow closets. For years, we hung onto everything, it was crazy, we had baby blankets, booties, bonnets, our children’s first onesie, etc. We had to decide if we wanted access to livable space or if we wanted to have a shrine to a time that had long since gone by. So, we packed up a tub for each child of a few of the cutest of items  and stored them in the attic. As a result, we could now open drawers, store clothes in a closet, etc. Gone were the piles of clothes on dressers that were now neatly stored where they should have been all along- inside the drawers! I began a child clothing swap at school and gave away clothing from both Evan and Olivia to friends with children of similar ages. When the donated clothing no longer fit the recipient, they then passed them along to another friend/co-worker. We did the same with furniture, toys, games, books, Halloween costumes, coats, gloves, boots, etc. You name it, we gave it away if we were no longer using it. This was also the case with old towels, sheets and blankets, which we gave to our local animal shelter. If we had any additional items we either donated them to our local church or to the huge annual rummage sale that our town holds and donates the proceeds to a Visiting Nurses Association. In addition to clothing that our children no longer wore, my husband and I gave away a ton of old clothing. I can’t tell you how liberating it was to let go of clothing that either no longer fit, or we just didn’t have use for any longer. Our home felt larger and cleaner. It’s amazing how when you change your landscape, you can change your perspective. Learning to let go helped us create a more enjoyable and livable space within our home. It also empowered us to feel as though we had something to give back to the world, someone who might need our things that we no longer had the space of the need for any longer.
2. Don’t buy what you don’t actually need: While I love nothing more than to wander aimlessly around Home Goods, Target, TJMaxx and Marshall’s, I have learned not to buy anything that I don’t actually need. Once our basic essentials have been met, we really don’t need very much. When I’ve had to make a decision as to whether or not to invest in a new couch (my present one is from 1995, yes I did say 1995) or to invest in my daughter’s braces or my son’s assorted therapy sessions, I always opt for the latter. I’ve also learned not to stress purchase, whenever I am feeling down or insecure, I stay away from stores and/or on-line purchasing. If I really feel the need for something new, then I will fill a digital cart and leave it overnight- if I still want to have the urge to make a purchase, I will buy something with a coupon or something that I could actually for with my debit card rather than a credit card. It’s great not having that dread of a huge credit card bill looming around the corner. I never want to fall down the rabbit hole of debt, it’s incredibly stressful and very difficult to come out of in one piece! Learning to live more simply has been incredibly challenging, as we are often putting the needs of others before our own, however, it’s also incredibly rewarding witnessing the growth and development of my children.
3. Be resourceful : My house is where everyone else’s furniture and belongings come to die. I seriously have a couch that is from 1995!  Over the past few years, I have learned to be quite savvy with money. When purchasing gifts, I will try to find a sale and then buy only when I have a really great coupon or the items have been dramatically reduced. Sometimes the gifts may have a theme, such as pajamas, bathing suits or flip/flops and a towel. In addition to ‘things’ we’ve begun to experience adventures with family members since at some point in time or another you really don’t need anymore ‘things.’ My very creative sister Khara has blazed a trail in the realm of creative gifts. Over the years, she has taken some beautiful pictures of my children and then turned them into all sorts of amazing wonders; blankets, mugs, framed works of art, the list is endless. I’m not the most creative of souls, however, now whenever we are someplace with our family, whether it be spending a birthday together in my mom’s kitchen or a family outing to the beach, I take lots of pictures on my phone. Downloading them via on-line services such as Shutterfly, Amazon Print, Snapfish, or through Walgreen’s, Walmart, Costco,  or even CVS has proven to be a huge time saver. When a birthday or Christmas rolls around, I have a ‘gift’ stored on my phone ready to be made into some sort of treasure. Recently, I’ve also discovered that as my parents continue to age, they really don’t ‘need’ anything, except to spend time with us all. This October 27th, my amazing stepfather will turn 84 years young. Even at his seasoned age, he is very active and still plays basketball twice a week at a local YMCA. So to celebrate, we are planning a family trip to the Statue of Liberty. Can you believe that he grew up in a New York City and has yet to visit Liberty State Park? Be creative with your resources, it’s not about being selfish or giving less, it’s about giving differently, perhaps time rather than things might be a more resourceful way to give gifts. 
4. Create organization stations: Have a place to put your bills as they arrive in the mail. Make sure that you have enough space in your coat closet to hang up the coats at the end of the day. Have a place for backpacks, lap-top bags, etc. We usually keep those items close to the front door so that they are always there when we need them. Designate a place to charge your cell phones, keep your car keys and wallet/pocketbook. If you cannot fit your clothes in a drawer/closet, clean it out. You should have enough space so that you can locate any item that you may need. Since we don’t have a huge amount of storage space, I have enlisted a younger, yet still highly efficient organization aficionado- my daughter Olivia. Even at just 15 years old, she has showcased her ability to organize even the most challenging of spaces. With the help of Kelly, they purchased plastic containers, of all shapes and sizes to house everything from copy paper to winter hats and gloves. It’s an amazing time saver and feels great to have ‘things’ in one place. Another great change for us was the development of a system to organize all of medical claims, bills, etc. Considering that we have multiple therapy appointments weekly, the amount of paperwork accumulates very rapidly. For any super important documents such as birth/marriage certificates, Social Security cards, etc. we keep them in a fireproof filing cabinet. Another option is to get a safety deposit box at your local bank. While the initial set up is time-consuming, having access to bills/documents/paperwork is invaluable and a real time saver!
5. Don’t delay-put things away! :  Clean as you go through a room. I call this my ‘wide sweep,’ as I pick up any forgotten pair of earbuds, hair accessories, items of clothing, shoes, books, etc. in my wake. Before adopting this quick and easy approach,  I would end up with the endless piles and piles of ‘stuff’ on the desk in my kitchen, when that overflowed, I would then pile ‘stuff’ on my dining room table. As a teacher, there are scores and scores of papers, books, reference sheets, anchor charts, etc. that I would carry to and from work each day. When my bag became too unbearable to lift any longer, I either stored the materials in my car or someplace in the house. The end result was that I never had things that I needed at the time, and ended up with lots of things that I didn’t need. This lead to feelings of frustration and being overwhelmed, and I would just give up, making things exponentially worse. Now, my children and husband also ‘sweep’ through the rooms. I am a firm believer in ‘change your landscape, change your mindset.’
6. Learn temperance: This is much easier than it sounds, and I continue to work towards learning temperance in my daily life and existence. Raising a special needs child with multiple conditions can be incredibly rewarding, there are moments of pure bliss that I’ve never known before in my life prior to Evan’s early birth. There are also lows, that I’ve never plummeted to before as well. There ain’t no tired as that of a parent of an exceptional child. Learning temperance, or rather my on-going challenge to do so is one of my life’s ambitions. When my son first started to attend the pres-school disabled program at our local elementary school, I felt the need to dress him the absolute best possible clothing. I felt that if I bought the cutest outfits; little sailor outfits, outfits to mirror the upcoming season and/or holiday, etc. I thought that people would be kinder, more accepting and supportive of his on-going and multiple needs. In retrospect it was an expensive act of desperation and need to have the world accept and embrace my child. For years, while I over spent on Evan’s clothing, I would dress in clothes purchased from stores that you could also buy kitty litter, garden hoses and motor oil. Despite Evan having the best of the best clothing, it didn’t change people’s reactions to him. I was wildly disillusioned. Over the years, I have realized that I need to temper my insecurity and accept where Evan is in the here and now and try not to lose focus on all that is possible and imaginable when you consider the power of ‘yet.’ To a certain degree, I also have to help the world catch up in regard to special needs children and how to support their on-going needs. All children need love, support and compassion and exceptional children need all of the above in massive quantities. I continue to discover ways to temper my response when I want to throttle someone for staring at Evan’s legs or looking at him with pity or morbid curiosity when he lumbers from place to place, has a tic or. I’ve had to temper my angst when people have acted out of ignorance or lack of experience and as a result caused my son pain and anguish. I’ve had to temper my reaction to my growing anxiety about an unwritten future- all of the what if’s, the why’s or the how will he worry that constantly swirls around in my head and lay as a constant backdrop to my every waking moment. Temperance is difficult to find when there are continuous physical, emotional, spiritual and financial strains placed on your daily life. Times such as these is when I try to console myself with the notion that I need to take a minute-by-minute, hour-by-hour, day-by-day, week-by-week, month-by-month, year-by-year approach to life. Temperance can be allusive and unwieldy, but so absolutely necessary to maintain a healthy and balanced life. I continue to work toward adding more temperance into my life.
7. Establish routines: At the core of every teacher is the on-going quest to work more efficiently and effectively in both their work and home lives. Guilty of that myself, I live my life by routine, the older that I get, the more resistant I am to surrender my daily life to a series of chores and duties, but the older my children get, the more necessary it becomes. My weekends are spent cleaning, doing laundry and getting further organized- paying bills, going through the mail, setting up appointments on both a physical calendar that hangs on the refrigerator as a daily reminder, but also on my Google calendar where I can get daily reminders. On more than one occasion, I have driven over 45 minutes only to arrive a day or week early for some sort of therapy or specialists’ appointment. Sundays mornings are devoted to lesson plans, creating materials for school and grading. They are also spent going to CCD/church and then food-shopping and any remaining errands that were not completed on Saturday. Then upon return from the morning activities, a time when I’d love nothing more than to curl up on my bed with the remote and my Brit Box TV, I spend the majority of the afternoon planning and preparing meals for the week. I will cook a variety of vegetables (which take time to roast) and at least two-three side dishes ranging from quinoa, amaranth, rice (assorted)  and/or roasted potatoes. My daughter is on a gluten free regimen due to her auto-immune, so we also try to follow it as well. I will also brown ground turkey, saute some chicken breasts, bake pork chops and apples in advance so after work, therapy and any additional activity, we can come home and just warm up the food. We typically run-out around Thursday, so then it’s back to being creative with dinner.. We continue to strive toward having eat more fruits and vegetables, he can be a bit maniacal in his eating habits due to his sensory issues and facial tone. He has made great strides and continues to try new foods. Maintaining our routines however boring and monotonous truly helps to save time in the end. By taking the time to plan and prepare meals in advance we have saved a great deal of time and money. It’s also led to making healthier, less stressful mealtimes for us all. 
8. Accept help from others: When my husband and  I first found ourselves suddenly catapulted into the new and very challenging life of raising a child with multiple conditions, we wanted to brave every challenge by ourselves. We didn’t want to involve too many people into the stressful world of endless doctor and therapy appointments, trying to juggle home life, work life and the life of full time caregivers. It wasn’t long before we found ourselves drowning and sending up the S.O.S. red flag for help. This help came in a variety of ways; picking up children at daycare/school, driving to and from therapy appointments, helping to organize and manage our home, helping with repairs that we had let go far too long (both inside and outside), helping to clean up basements filled floor to ceiling with stuff we no longer needed or used, helping with food shopping, etc. You name it, we needed help managing. Life became so busy so fast that we couldn’t keep up with anything. Over the decades, we have learned to live by routines and become more organized, which initially takes time to establish, but eventually helps to save time and money. Do not be afraid to ask for help when you need it, everyone needs help at one point in time or another. In return for the help of others, we would prepare dinner, cookies or something small to express our gratitude. One day when life quiets down, we will be happy to return the favors, until that time we’ve learned to swallow our pride and take favors from friends and family without guilt or the shame we once felt. Ask for help, you will be surprised at how many people truly want to help.  
9. Don’t let bad habits slip up: Once you have established your routines and regimens, you have to stick with them. It’s easy to let bad habits slip up and take over. Trust me, I know. There are days that I want nothing more than to call out sick from work for a mental health day and just  lay around watching Netflix or walk around Home Goods for hours on end. However, I have a budget that I have to maintain in regards to time, money and other resources. All of my sick days are reserved for my children’s needs; their multiple appointments, etc. If I slack off in regard to cleaning, laundry or meal preparation, then we end up paying for it later in one way or another. It can become very tedious and at times, either Erol or I allow ourselves to ‘slack’ a bit, but then sometime soon we need to work double time to make up for our lapse in routine. We console ourselves by saying that one day life will be easier and we will be so bored that we won’t even know what to do with ourselves. But for right now, while some of my friends are off doing yoga in lavender fields or meeting for book club meetings at a nearby winery, I need to adhere to my particular lifestyle, it’s a matter of pay now or pay later. I’d much rather pay up front that have to deal with the repercussions later.
10. Be kind to yourself: This is much easier said than done. It’s difficult to remember your own self care and inner dialogue. However, self-preservation is a must when taking care of any child, especially a child with exceptional needs. Whenever I feel as though I truly need some time away, I will allow myself a short respite, which can take many forms; a bath, a walk, a phone call with a friend, a brief excursion to one of my favorite stores, etc. Whenever I feel that Erol and I are straying too far apart, and a little too immersed in our effort to be good parents, I schedule a brief ‘date.’ These dates range from going to Costco together, meeting for a coffee at our local Starbucks or even just taking the dog out for a walk. We establish a no-phone policy and don’t allow one another to talk about work, money or the kids, we just talk about whatever is on our mind and focus on truly being ‘in the moment’ without worrying about the hectic schedule that we are bound to on a daily basis. By the end of the ‘date’ we definitely feel more relaxed and connected and ready to face the rest of our day or week. As parents, we have to care for ourselves so that we can care for our children, especially those who cannot care for themselves. Getting your ducks in a row takes time, diligence and perseverance, but as with most things, becomes easier over time.