1st Day of Summer Camp
Today is the first day of my son Evan’s summer camp and I find myself a lot more nervous than him. I spent months searching for a true inclusion program that both embraces and addresses his various needs while providing him an opportunity to socialize with his typical peers.
Having physical challenges due to his cerebral palsy, I wanted a setting that would provide adaptive activities so he could feel capable of participating and truly belonged.
Having focusing issues due to his ADHD, I wanted a setting that would help him take note of where he was, why he was there and help support him as he sought to make meaningful connections with his peers.
Having issues with anxiety via a vocal tic disorder, I searched for a setting that would provide Evan with the support and patience he very much needed. Typically Evan begins to tic when he is either nervous or feeling anxious. Ensuring supports were in place for Evan when he began to tic was essential.
Having challenges socially due to his autism, I needed a setting that would provide aides to help him navigate social settings and to help facilitate conversation so that it was not one-sided or taken too literally. So much of language involves subtleties and nuances that my son just cannot discern, so finding a setting that would help him find his footing and initiate authentic experiences with his peers in meaningful ways was key for us.
After months of research, meeting with directors, and interviewing potential ‘aides,’ Evan is finally about to participate in a program that I’m confident would provide an authentic social setting with typical peers that’s physically accessible to him. I’m unsure if I want to laugh or cry. I recall all the prior disappointments we both experienced in previous camp settings, and the practice of just keeping him home, safely away from others that might judge him or environments that proved too much for him to navigate. They truly ranged from the ridiculous to the sublime. I’m not sure if the worst experience was having him lost on a field in the blaring sun without a hat, water or sunscreen for an entire morning, or cooped up in the director’s office eating Ritz crackers all day due to lack of staffing.
I shook off the memories of these past experiences and reassured myself I had done all I could do to best prepare him. I went through my mental To-Do List of scenarios that could ever so remotely occur. I reminded Evan not to undress and change in front of everyone but rather use a bathroom stall. We reviewed how to put on and take off his pants. I reminded him to dry his body entirely before putting on dry clothing as we so often have mishaps where the clothing is stuck to the wet parts of his arms and legs! I labeled all of his belongings, reviewed how to use the reusable water bottle, where to put his glasses when he went into the pool, explained how to use a plastic bag for his wet clothes, showed him where his book was, his lunch box, etc. While we waited for his bus to arrive, I realized that despite the early hour, he was ready and eager to embrace all of the ‘newness’ that lay before him. He was completely unaware of my angst and stress over his new adventure and happily waved goodbye. I watched as he confidently boarded the bus, and forgot to wave goodbye. I mouthed the words, ‘have a great day’ as I prayed to God and the universe, “Please be kind to my son, watch over and protect him from harm, please accept him for who he is- his differences, celebrate his quirks and just embrace this lovely and amazing boy who wants so desperately to fit in and be part of something.”
Seconds later, I watched the bus trail off down the road, a huge part of me was filled with relief that we had gotten this far. Yet, another more distinct feeling of angst mixed with both a little bit of sadness and emptiness welled up inside of me. While I had worked so diligently to prepare my son for this new and exciting change, in the midst of it all, I never really anticipated how it would impact me. In addition to my son having to redefine how he would spend his summer days, I too would have to fill that time with my own ‘stuff’. Sure there were loads of unwashed laundry, floors and windows that begged to be washed but more importantly I had to learn to live without that heightened sense of crisis that had perpetuated my life to such a degree and for so long. I had to learn to relax and trust others. However, for just this moment, I decided to bask in the glory of that long awaited moment of learning to let go.
