Make the most of the Celebration….

This year Thanksgiving seems to be backing up right into the onset of the full holiday season. It’s a crazy busy time of the year for everyone, especially as an educator. In my school district parent/teacher conferences are scheduled for the week leading up to Thanksgiving break. It’s an incredibly stressful time for us as we spend the first part of our day teaching and then afternoons and evenings right before Thanksgiving deeply immersed in preparation  for these conferences. While the notion of on-going communication with parents is a vital part of our teaching, the timing of the conferences couldn’t be worse, by Wednesday, we are all completely exhausted and ready to collapse. Trying to balance work life and home life can become even trickier when you have a special needs child, so over the years I’ve learned to simplify my life. 

Here are a few tips that I’ve learned to help ease the stress of the upcoming holiday season.

1. Celebrate where you are celebrated: Since my son is on the Autism spectrum, has cerebral palsy, ADHD and sensory integration/tic disorder, he has a difficult time with excessive noise, sights and sounds. As a result, we have learned to scale down our traditional way of celebrating Thanksgiving. When the kids were babies, I’d spend weeks trying to find the perfect matching outfits for them, I would wrangle my daughter into cute little dresses with tights, matching shoes, etc. For my son, there would be shirts (with lots of buttons), vests, matching socks, etc. I would lug bags of diapers, bottles, toys, food,  and anything else I could tote to each of the settings. Then we’d set off to celebrate the day with one side of the family before going onto the next side. Throughout the course of the day, we’d eat two Thanksgiving dinners, feeling overly stuffed and bloated, not wanting to offend anyone and refuse a meal. There was always a sense of dread and panic as we would feel rushed we and worried that we would stay too long in one place and wouldn’t have the same amount of time at another. Our approach to celebrating the holiday was not only ridiculously exhausting, it was a completely ineffective way of spending time with our loved ones. As Evan’s needs become increasingly more apparent, we eventually found ourselves exiled to the basement or outside (in search of a quiet place) alone staring at one another. At times we would take turns socializing with the larger crowd, but then it became a game of keeping score, which only resulted in frustration for us all. We knew that we needed to change the way we looked at things, in order for things to change. Our new Thanksgiving tradition involves a long morning walk at a park located near our home. The grounds are beautifully landscaped with all sorts of trees and wooded areas. There is a nearby stream that runs along the footpath where Evan usually finds some sort of walking stick to help stabilize him along the way. There terrain is quite level so it isn’t very challenging to make his way around the perimeter and there are plenty of benches for frequent rest stops along the way. The walk helps us all reconnect from our busy week, we talk and take in the beauty of the early morning, breathe in the crisp autumn air and feel a renewed sense of calm. Exercising also helps Evan get the input he needs to fill his sensory diet before spending a great deal of time sitting later on in the day. After our walk, we get into some really comfortable clothing ( jeans and a flannel shirt) and head over to my mom’s house. She has a separate space located next to the kitchen where Evan can come and go as he pleases, whenever he begins to feel overwhelmed. Interestingly enough, we all tend to gravitate toward him, piling onto a small couch. Evan enjoys how everyone will make an effort to connect with him in a way that’s comfortable for him.  Throughout the day, we talk, laugh and just enjoy the time spent together. I am hugely relieved that he won’t feel overwhelmed or alienated. It’s truly a win-win for everyone, the setting is very casual and our schedule is very flexible; we eat when we want to and leave whenever he’s had ‘enough,’ with no questions asked. We make arrangements to see our other family members at another point in time. I think they too appreciate that we extend the celebration a few days later. By modifying our tradition, I find that I am more relaxed and as a result truly enjoy the day so much more than our previous way of celebrating the day.
2. Scale back: Gone are the days where I would scour my Bon Appetit and Gourmet magazines to find the most challenging and intricate recipes available. I would end up making endless trips to the food store for the most random of ingredients, only to find that I was spending far too much time, effort and money on the holiday meal. Now, I’ve learned to scale back and focus on what I truly thankful for in my life-spending time with my family. While I still prepare a few side dishes, they are easily assembled and require very little effort. If I find that I’m pressed for time, I will substitute a side dish with a nice bottle of wine or a delicious pie from a nearby bakery. Learning to scale back and enjoy the time spent together has helped make Thanksgiving so much more enjoyable.
3. Check your baggage at the door: We all have worry, anxiety, stress and angst in our lives, that tend to creep up in the most unexpected ways and at the most inconvenient times. My stepfather, a psychologist once gave me a piece of sage advice. He told me that I should allow myself one hour a day of hard core worry, really putting my weight into it, allowing myself to go down the rabbithole of despair. The one caveat is that once the hour is up, I have to leave all my troubles behind for another day, knowing that at some point in time I will resolve them in one way or another. I know that’s easier said than done, but if you allow yourself to take a 24 hour vacation from your troubles, you will have a better chance at enjoying the holiday. Learning to check my troubles at the proverbial door has helped me to truly enjoy a holiday. I know that 24 hours will not make or break me as a person, I won’t be able to solve all of my problems in the context of that one day. Rather than dwelling on all that I can’t change in my life, I try to focus on what I can change. I know that as my mother and stepfather continue to age, the gift of time spent with them becomes more and more precious to me. Throughout the day, my three sisters and me will spend the day helping my mom with the meal and then we’ll take some time to look at old photo albums, it’s so much fun looking back at younger (and slimmer) versions of ourselves, times we’ve shared and hope for the future through our own children.
4. Get Crafty: In order to help our kids focus on the true essence of Thanksgiving and the reason we gather to give thanks for all that we have, we’ve learned to become crafty. Every year my artsy sister Khara thinks up a really creative, fun and meaningful craft for us all. One year, she found some fallen branches outside, cut out various leaf shapes from construction paper and had each of us write down something for which we were grateful. Another year, we all went outside and searched for a favorite leaf. We then used colored pencils and made impressions of the leaves on index cards. Khara had us fold each of the index card in half. On one side we wrote down a goal we had for the year and on the other we printed our names and used them as place cards for the table. Having some sort of inexpensive craft that reflects a feeling of gratitude can help be very unifying for everyone and a fun way to spend the day!
5. Be present, don’t bring presents:  Rather than spend time making gifts or running from store to store in search of the ‘perfect’ gift for each of my sisters and mom, I now just present them with my presence! It sounds a bit egotistical, but they enjoy a happier, less stressed version of me rather than any quaint gift or gesture I could offer them. Spending time with the people I love helps me be present and more available to them. Being present is a far greater gift than any other kind of presents I could give.